This one's for the states.
The most difficult part about studying abroad is dropping the connections from back home to focus on where I'm living now. During the day I speak in spanish, I connect in spanish, and I think in spanish. Then the night comes and I'm in my nightly skype session with those I care about speaking in english, thinking in english, and connecting in english.
My life is a dualism. Being here, I feel as though I'm switching between two lives- one in creation and one that I already own. But the one I'm working so hard to build now in Nicaragua will be left unfinished when I go back to the states in April.
That justifies my wanting to think, connect, and speak in the United States. That life is the reason why I miss home. The people, the connections, the things I've based my life on- they are everything I know. And to leave that is pretty difficult. Building a new life is even more difficult. Each night I fight the feeling of wanting to be consumed with my life in the United States.
But nobody ever learned anything by taking the easy way. Here in Nicaragua I am constantly learning. I'm meeting people and seeing traits in them I would like to see in myself. So for now I'll choose Nicaragua because even though my heart lies in my homeland, my lessons (my necessities) lie here. I bid you all a buenas noches from America Central.